You need a coach.
Friends said it. LinkedIn gurus said it. I heard the same sentence so many times it stopped sounding like advice and started sounding like a verdict.
I had always assumed coaches existed to make anxious people feel productive while nothing actually changed.
My employer offered a coaching program, and I put my name down mostly to check why people find it so beneficial.
I found my first career coach. She came from a completely different industry and I told myself that was the point, a fresh perspective, someone who could not be fooled by my jargon.
We had a few sessions, but it felt like we were speaking different languages.
I decided to stop it after the third session.
In my opinion it was fair as I consider it as dating. Sometimes there is no chemistry between two people and it is completely okay to move on.
So I went looking for someone whose career actually resembled the one I was trying to build.
Eventually I found someone whose career arc looked like a version of where I wanted to end up: similar industry, senior enough to have made the mistakes I was trying to avoid.
I committed to five months because I was determined this time to give it a real chance.
Session after session, he asked questions and took notes and I answered honestly, waiting for the moment it would click. Despite seeing little benefit, I understood he was trying to learn about me.
After a few months of our bi-weekly sessions, I concluded they were not helpful at all. It felt like I was talking to another person but there was no guidance, advice or real disagreement with my approach to life.
I started thinking that the problem is on my side as I was too ignorant to understand the help this person offered me.
I decided to reach out to a seasoned colleague whose insight I valued deeply. I asked whether such a person could work with me as a mentor as I respect their decision making and career.
We both didn’t really understand what mentoring is about but we agreed that I can call whenever I feel like it is needed.
It happened that we spoke on average every second month but after these calls that lasted up to 1 hour I could share the problem, my perspective and hear back what the other person thinks and what they would do if they were in my shoes.
For the first time I did not have to spend twenty minutes explaining the context before we could even get to the problem. Each meeting was a breath of fresh air, guiding my next steps with clarity. Very often we disagreed and ultimately I was making the decision against this person’s advice and I believe that that was perfect.
I was presenting my ideas, strongly supporting them with my arguments, and when I felt like I was winning my “debate” it felt like a confirmation that all I needed it just to trust myself.
Even after my experiences, I still struggle to define coaching and mentoring. The more I read the definition of these words, the more I feel that it is bullshit.
All I know is that it is helpful to have a handful of friends who you respect and organize some sort of debate discussion about your situation and if you feel that you can win your debate you are making the right decision.
Ultimately, no one else will ever know your situation the way you do.